As a woman and a Christian, the biggest test I find in life is not education, employment or motherhood, all these you will agree have a planned procedure of overcoming barriers, being the best at your game and even collecting trophies on your way up!.
Marriage however, is a different ball game entirely, no matter how prepared you are before you get in, how knowledgeable you are it just happens to be not enough. Perhaps mostly because it takes an agreeable couple to be successful at it. For both to be on the same wavelength, aiming for the same goal and both parties working hard to make a success of it.
Fast forward now, we live in the 21st century where everything is fast paced, where there are equal rights, where women earn as much as a man if not more. Women’s role in a marriage has shifted over the centuries from being a housewife washing dishes, taking care of kids, cooking the husbands food, to being the co bread winner of the family or in some cases being the sole bread winner of the home.
To make matters worse, the Christian wife is pressured to conform to the 2,000 year holy book, written in the time when men were sole breadwinners and women had no rights, they were to stay silence when their husband is speaking!.
I find the bible very male orientated and used in the church to men’s advantage, seeing that men are the preachers, teachers and guides. As a Christian wife, you are encouraged to be a ‘wise woman’ and build your home. Sounds good until you realise that this is unconditional, so if your husband is lazy, a boozer, a wife beater, an adulterer, a child molester, a bisexual, an acid thrower. You still have to stick with him and pray that God changes Him to a better person, that is while he is still committing the act!.
|Husband destroys wife with acid|
So in essence it says suffer in silence and pray for a miracle BUT if it was the other way round, well the man has the right to dismiss the wife, it is written in the bible!. To deepen the wound, you are not allowed to voice your problems out to ‘non christians’. So like the famous words of Fela, you are to remain ‘suffering and smiling’. No wonder, 10% of African married women are in Psychiatric wards all over UK and on the rise. Suffering from Chronic depression, being brainwashed to stay silence or even worse being branded as the failure in the marriage with the inability to hold the marriage together.
How can you imagine a husband who strips her wife naked and beats her to a pulp and parades her on the road or verbally abusive as a Godly man.
May God forgive all these Spiritual leaders who lead all these venerable people astray, I heard of a lady lately who committed suicide because her marriage broke down, her husband decided to elope to another country with a young babe and the joint account money!. Money! that is another topic in the marriage for another day.
Do I believe in Marriage? Absolutely it is Gods institution to stabilise, rejuvenate and replenish the earth, however, it can only work with love, mutual respect and a joint effort from both parties to work on its success, tirelessly on a daily basis. The biggest misconception and beginning of failure is to push the success of a marriage onto a ‘one party band’ the ‘wise woman’!. Yes the woman has to be wise and diligent however the husband has to love his wife like himself, that means what you don’t want others to do to you, don’t practise it on your wife. Wouldn’t the world be better if this clause is ‘magnified x 100’ for the men to see.!
What is your experience or views on ‘Christian Marriages’? Do you agree or disagree?